Emotionally drained, but the hardest part is over (March 16, 2011)

Yesterday was a pretty emotional day.  After a month of really grueling testing to donate my kidney, I finally got word that I have been approved for the surgery.  I sat at my desk and cried for a few moments.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt such relief!  I’ve been to both campuses of the Mayo Clinic about a dozen times.  I’ve been poked with needles, prodded by random hands, peed in I don’t know HOW many cups and given enough blood to save a third-world country.  I’m exhausted.  But, life has to go on and I have a day job that I have to concentrate on.  The support has been overwhelming and I feel that if I don’t keep up with thanking everyone, I will look like a jerk.  I feel like nobody understands all that I’m going through.  I am extremely thankful for all the support, but it’s also been all-encompassing lately and I have to shut it off for a bit.

There are times that I feel really alone, even though I know there are a lot of people thinking about me.  There are some that I expected to get more from in my personal life and there’s nothing there.  Like none of this matters to the people I’ve called “friends.”  I know everyone has their own life to deal with, their own daily struggles, but I know I would be there for them and show support.  I feel hurt and drained.

I scheduled the surgery for April 19th, which is the first date available.  I had hoped for a couple weeks earlier, but I am glad that there are others out there giving up part of their body for someone else.  The Mayo Clinic said they do about 5 transplants a week.  That might not seem like a lot, and it’s just a drop in the bucket, but at least it’s something.  I wish more people would do it.  I know it will be all worth it in the end.

I just have to get there.

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